It seems as though your sister is a worthy adversary and bent on dominating your completely in the award category. If I were you, I would just give up hope and make peace with your awardless future.

If anything, she’s worried that you might look into her winning streak and uncover the string of corruption going all the way back to her second birthday.

She’d have to lose all her titles. Give back all those honors.

Check those chocolates.

They may not be what they seem.

Once people have heard the story, if you find that someone deployed software without unit tests, you can say “smells like a squirrel burger!”

I never win anything. When I was a kid, I entered, like, 1,000 coloring contests, and lost every one of them. They didn’t understand my abstract style, and the way I expressed freedom by ignoring the lines of whatever I was supposed to be coloring in. I used a lot of brown because, at the time, brown was the new green which was the new orange which was the new black. I was at the vanguard of social and artistic advancement, but the judges weren’t sophisticated enough to see that.

Also, as an extra kick-in-the-you-know-where, my sister won every coloring contest. We shared a bedroom back when, and I had to sit in my barren side of the compound while her prize baskets started me in the face.

I stole chocolate from her. We’re even now. I figure she bribed the judges, too. I don’t have any proof – I don’t even have evidence – but it’s obviously true because… well, just because.

So, for real, thanks That post was really fun to write. I’ve also gotten a few requests for new gods, as well as readers who want to be added to the pantheon. I’ll stick you down for the coffee god

Oh, and *all* Norse gods know how to brew beer. Or at least buy it.