If Jerry Springer were a Geek…
…he’d definitely want in on some of this action.
I clipped some quotes from the comment section of a recent post by a popular blogger. See if you can guess the blogger’s identity and topic of the post based on the comments below.
- Commenter: I think you weren’t hugged enough as a child.
- Blogger: I think you lost your virginity to an uncle.
- Commenter: codeeliterer.com is still open for you to start your own pseudo-intellectual negativity community.
- Blogger: Oh aren’t you the clever little anonymous blog coward.
- Commenter: ……he inspires, you turn people off and come off as miserable.
- Blogger: Take another handful of blue pills and go back to sleep…Now go away and let the grown-ups handle the grown-up stuff. You’ll be of age soon enough and then you can carry the fight.
- Commenter: Honestly I think this negative outlook will discourage people from finding their passion and running with it.
- Blogger: I’m all for discouraging people from running with scissors.
- Commenter: Is there a specific person you are referring to?
- Blogger: Dude, this isn’t Survivor. If you’re addicted to over-dramatized bitch-on-bitch slap fests, pop yourself some corn and sit yourself in front of the other glowing screen. I’m not here to satisfy the blood lust that you’ve allowed to take hold of you through lack of diligence and discipline.
- Commenter: Finally you just came out and said it. You’re gold, we’re all shit. We get it.
- Blogger: …your say is transparently not much more than a mano-a-mano, craven attack from an anonymous lurker.
- Commenter: Douchebag…Can we get a
feed that excludes “Look at me, I’m controversial and I have something to SAY!” rants? We get it. You’re special. Conformity is bad. Nothing that comes from a large corporation is good. Very clever…Do you think that you’d have many readers if you left .com and went out on your own? - Blogger: If I could get rid of neolithic commentary like this as a result, it might be worth it.
Was anyone able to guess the topic of the post? I would tell you, but I can’t actually remember anymore. I was too busy being entertained by “Yo mamma’s so ugly” contest going on. I vaguely remember there being some good points thrown in there between the flying chairs though, so if you’re interested you can check it out here.
You have to give it to the Scott though… he has a certain flair and sense of creativity when it comes to the game of insults. It probably helps that he gets so much practice.
When you just need to
I think I’m going to take this tactic but bring it to its next level - ad-hominem attacks on the *audience* during presentations.
“Are you sure MVC works this way?”
“Did anybody ask you, FAT BOY??? WHOOOOOOOO” (struts down the aisle)
I’m still waiting on the response. Have to wait for a whole new post. I’ve literally gotten nothing done today in anticipation of said post!
Justice,
I think you’ve inverted the roles in your depiction.
I set out to offer a cultural criticism, not to go mano-a-mano in the sphere. Yep, it set off the anonymous thought police who lurk my blog, and I obliged in kind when it got fun.
@Justice - If you add cameras, security guards,and some midget transvestites, then I think you could have the makings of a hit reality TV show. THAT is the fastest way to bring ALT.NET to the masses!
@Frankfurter - Yes, I myself am organizing a candle-light vigil in anticipation of said post.
@Justice - If you add cameras, security guards,and some midget transvestites, then I think you could have the makings of a hit reality TV show. THAT is the fastest way to bring ALT.NET to the masses!
Scott - three thoughts
1. awesome domain name redirect (http://scottic.us)
2. You really need a good scotticusism for “anonymous thought police that lurk on my blog”. May I suggest “anonymous blurkers” or “thought blazzis”?
3. You should offer a blogging self-defense session at your next conference. You could physically demonstrate some of your insult counter-measures on Justice. Picture this…
(Scott addressing the audience) If someone throws a “pseudo intellectual negativity” comment your way (Justice throws a punch), first you block with a “clever little anonymous blog coward” (Scott blocks Justice’s weak punch) and then counter with a “Take another handful of blue pills and go back to sleep.” (Scott knees Justice in groin)…(Justice falls to knees gasping)…(crowd cheers and begs for more)… I think it would be a very popular session.
@Scott - three thoughts
1. Awesome domain name (http://scottic.us)
2. You really need a pithy short name for “anonymous thought police who lurk on my blog”. May I suggest “cowardly blurkers” or “thought blazzis”.
3. You really should offer a blogging insult self-defense course with Justice as your side-kick that you visually demonstrate your moves on. Picture this…(Scott addresses eager crowd) If anyone accuses you of “pseudo-intellectual negativity” (Justice throws weak punch), first you block with a “clever little anonymous blog coward” (Scott blocks punch) and then you counter with a “Take another handful of blue pills and go back to sleep” (Scott knees Justice in the groin)…(Justice falls to his knees gasping)…(crowd cheers wildly and begs for Scott to demonstrate it again)…
I think it would make a great demo. I, for one, would turn in a whole fistful of positive session reviews.
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